Bar Stool Review of THE WOLFMAN

Ramblings: The Wolfman's Bark Is Worse Than His Bite

Final Proof: 3 Shots

You know how you drink with Wolfmen? You think they're gonna be all interesting and have tons of stories to tell and they kinda do but the problem is, you just wanna get drunk and hear all the cool parts but they always insist on telling you the whole long boring story about what happened before they got attacked and what happened after and what happens before they kill and what happens after. The cool parts are cool, sure, but they always skim over them too quickly and then go back to the boring parts. They look great and watching them change is a blast but they're a lot slicker than you'd think and plus they always spill their drinks and run out on the tab. The Wolfman is kinda like that.

You know what? The things that bugged me are bugging me, so i'm gonna start off with them. Like i didn't like how the movie was set in 1691. Nothing cool ever happened in 1691. And Anthony Hopkins is Benicio Del Toro's dad? Right, and for my next trick Samuel L Jackson will play Taylor Swift's father in a remake of Paper Moon. Benicio does a good job as the wolfman himself, but looks kinda silly wearing English dandy clothes and walking around in England in 1691. Just sayin'.

But not everything about the movie was horror-bull. The violence was pretty hairy, even if there wasn't enough of it, and the actors have some bite. i just wish there had been less setting up the action and more action. The film looks sleek, though, and is easy enough to watch.

One thing that's nice about wolfmen is that they're kinda like drinkers. They're nice and well-mannered on the surface, they can go through the whole day like a normal person, but every once in a while they let go and when they let go, man, they're animals.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 1/2 Shot

Apparently nudity hadn't been invented in 1691. The closest we come is a quick side boob of Emily Blunt, who plays Lawrence Talbot's / The Wolfman's (Benicio Del Toro) love interest, Gwen Conliffe. Unfortunately, Blunt is pretty much the only woman in the whole movie (apparently girls hadn't been invented in 1691 either). Fortunately for us, Blunt is sweet.

Here's Smokin' Blunt (26):

Here come the Silken Butterflies, those shooting stars that fly across the screen oh so briefly.

Jessica Manley plays a Gypsy Mother:

The gorgeous Olga Fedori (25), she of the killer eyes, plays Maleva's Daughter.

Finally, there's the tragically uncredited Elizabeth Croft, who has a flitting appearance as Ophelia:

For those who prefer Wolfmen to Wolfwomen, i give you Benicio Del Toro:

Drink: 1/2 Shot

Here are my notes about the booze:

• Gets drunk [in a tavern] on magically refilling [glass of] white wine after brother's death
• Drinks from a carafe of whiskey during Scotland Yard interview
• Smith [Hugo Weaving as Inspector Abberline] orders a pint of bitter in the tavern

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots

Besides the fact that there was no rock and roll in 1691, the violence, though pretty rockin', was also pretty scarce.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Andrew Kevin Walker & David Self (based on Curt Siodmak's 1941 script)

Directed by: Joe Johnston

Starring

Emily Blunt - Gwen Conliffe

Benicio Del Toro - Lawrence Talbot

Hugo Weaving - Abberline

Jessica Manley - Gypsy Mother

Olga Fedori - Maleva's Daughter

Elizabeth Croft - Ophelia

Bottom Line

A lot that's good but nothing great. You wouldn't be missing much if you waited for the DVD.

Bar Stool Review of UP IN THE AIR

Ramblings: Up In The Air Is Down To Earth

Final Proof: 3 1/2 Shots

You know how you get drunk in airport bars? It's not as old-school as train stations and less depressing than bus stations because the people you meet are more varied. For example you got your business people and it's hard not to look on them with a little envy as they skirt lines with VIP cards and sit down before you in seats better than yours to get comped drinks. They're the ones paying sky high prices in the bar because they're saving the receipts that're all gonna be reimbursed by their companies. But they pay for it in other ways like the families they leave behind to suck jet fumes, and smiles as cold and conditioned as the air they recycle when they're flying. Airport bars are designed to make you feel at home even when you know you're not and they're polished and professional but often full to the rim with humanity: talkative help cleaning the floors who address you like they know you, happy couples high on the idea of traveling together and those looking on with only one dry eye because they were once sitting in Business and now they're on Economy and even if they realize they're better off in some ways, they still need that next drink they can't afford but are ordering anyway. Airport bars are cool because of the contrast between the shallow depth of the decor and your closest strangers making it real. Up In The Air is kinda like that.

You want a metaphor? Up In The Air is the story of a man who's happy as hell drinking imported beer and thinks champagne is for wussies. Then he gets a taste of what he thinks is champagne and loves it. Until he finds out it wasn't champagne at all and so he wants to get a bottle for real but no one's there to give it to him and in the end he has to go back to beer.

i'm a big Jason Reitman fan. i thought Thank You For Smoking was cool as hell and even if i thought Juno was a tad overrated, i was with him all the way on that one. UITA didn't disappoint. It's funny and tender in all the right ways because it steers around the storm clouds of romantic-comedy and the turbulence of forced happy endings.

Another cool thing about UITA was how Reitman dealt with the subject of unemployment. In Ryan's (played masterfully by George Clooney) own words: "I work for [a] company that lends me out to pussies like Steve's boss who don't have the balls to sack their own employees." So yeah, Reitman coulda just chosen to use that as kinda a backdrop for the story but he chose to move it into the forefront by hiring real unemployed people who'd been laid off to recreate the moment they were fired. Very cool and very meaningful and a great idea because those 25 people add a lot of depth to the movie.

The normal actors do a decent job. George Clooney (Ryan Bingham) gives his character a lot of character and Vera Farmiga is believable as jet setter, Alex Goran. Anna Kendrick is getting a lot of attention for her role as young exec Natalie Keener and the girl is golden. It's nice to see her in a role that's more of a stretch than Kristen Stewart's high school friend in Twilight, and man can Anna stretch.

Basically, if you're tempted to see this, you pro'lly should. Up In The Air is a trip.

Before we get to the talent, here's a song from the soundtrack. i like it because, if you listen to the words, it makes sense for us drinkers: Sad Brad Smith - Help Yourself

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2 shots

There's only one partially nude scene, and that's of Vera Farmiga's body double who's got a nice butt. i knew right away it was a body double, ask Brandi Alexandra, because they never showed Vera's face during the naked part. That's a tell tail sign right there. The UITA Trivia Section on IMDB has Vera saying she doesn't mind being naked in a movie but that she'd recently given birth and "the breast milk running down would have been inappropriate".

So anyway, here's some shots of Vera Farmiga (36) i didn't already exposé in my Orphan review.

Anna Kendrick (24) was super cute in her role of Natalie Keener, especially in the party scene when she lets her hair down, literally, and rocks out. i also already exposéd her in my Twilight: New Moon review so here are some different shots of her.

It's getting harder and harder to exposé Melanie Lynskey (32, who plays Ryan's sister Julie Bingham) after doin' her twice already, once for The Informant and another time for Away We Go. Still, i dug deep and found these:

There were also a slew of those fleeting beauties who flit across the screen in the blink of a wink. Here are those Silken Butterflies i hope to see lots more of...

First up, Adrienne Lamping who plays Tammy, one of Julie Bingham's Bridesmaids.

There's also Meagan Flynn (29) who plays a flight attendant (and wouldn't we all like to, at least once).

And it would be a mortal sin not to mention Erin McGrane, who is adorable as Ryan's neighbor / ex-love interest. If UITA lacks credibility, part of it is that in real life George Clooney would do everything in his power to win back this young lady's heart.

There's also Lanette Fugit (39), another flight attendant, though tragically uncredited.

To wrap this bad boy up, here are some shots of George Clooney (48) for those who prefer fuselage to hangar.

Drink: 2½ Shots

i should probably go a little higher here as there were enough drink references, but i've limited it to 2½ because booze didn't play a key role in the film.

When Ryan (George Clooney) and Alex (Vera Farmiga) meet in the hotel bar, he's drinking a gin & tonic and she's got a martini.

Natalie (Anna Kendrick) gets drunk with Ryan and Alex after her boyfriend dumps her by text message. They drink martinis, scotch & sodas, and then there's more drinking at the Tech party they crash. Hats off to Anna Kendrick who plays drunk with a believable amount of understatement.

The next morning, Natalie apologized for getting carried away, which i liked because i've had to do the same kinda post-binge groveling more than once.

There's also beer from mugs at the rehearsal dinner for Ryan's sister Julie's wedding.

When Ryan's sad, he drinks minibar bottles of Southern Comfort that he keeps in his own fridge in his apartment.

Finally, when Ryan hits the 10 million mile mark, the flight attendant (i'm pretty sure it's Meagan Flynn from above) gives him a glass of champagne.

Rock & Roll: 1 Shot

The soundtrack is pretty folky but not so bad even if it isn't rock.

What's also not rock is the cameo by Young MC at the tech party, singing his hit "Bust A Move".


Boring Technical Crap
Written by:

Walter Kim - Book

Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner - Screenplay

Directed by: Jason Reitman

Starring

Vera Farmiga - Alex Goran

Anna Kendrick - Natalie Keener

Melanie Lynskey - Julie Bingham

Adrienne Lamping - Tammy

Meagan Flynn - Flight Attendant

Erin McGrane - Dianne

Lanette Fugit - Flight Attendant

Kelly Bertha - Terminated Employee

George Clooney - Ryan Bingham

Bottom Line

See it, Up In The Air won't let you down.